What Kolkata Knight Riders need to do immediately!

Lighten up guys, this is just a lighthearted attempt to dispel the gloom and doom relating to KKR. The team is so close yet so far – they lost two matches in the last over (literally the last ball) and one in the power over. How much more unlucky can a team get? So I came up with a few solutions:

1. Seek immediate numerology help from Bejan Daruwala. He will suggest some alphabets being added to the name – like:

KKKR – admitted that KKK has extreme negative connotations for the West – but KKK plus KKR – these two negatives will certainly lead to a positive outcome, simple math.

Or he may suggest dropping a K – as in KR, which I heard was already a done deal – and we see the result! So scrap this one immediately and make KOLKATA patches to sew on to every team jersey and reinstate the K in KKR!! Who will do the sewing? Well there are all those training staff that can finally be put to some use. And think of how happy this will make an entire state.

Or he may suggest adding another R – KKRR, as in Kolkata Knight Riders Rule. Sounds great, the team can use it as a morale booster, and when unleashed on the opponents it would be hard for them to keep a straight face and have any accuracy in pitching, fielding, batting. The Cheerleaders need to drive the “WE RULE” point home with big banners, flashed at every opportunity during the game!

2. For those who think Numerology is just voodoo and silly, there is another option. I know the KKR have lost in the last over several times. Can we petition the IPL to make their games only 19 overs in length? They can be trail blazers – IPLT19 – kind of like the 7 minute abs in Something About Mary!!

3. How about the rain dance? The cheerleaders need to learn this ASAP. When playing with the top teams, getting a split is better than a loss – so pray and chant and rain-dance pe chance le le!!!!

4. Voodoo and plain exorcism is also a viable option. This team needs to exorcise the ghosts of captains past – Ganguly of 2008, and the three other no show captains from the 4 captain rotation proposed by Buchanan. So let us have a massive havan, some voodoo, and a licensed exorcist to eliminate the numbers 2008 and 3, with the entire team present and participating of course. Need pointers or know-how? Look to Bhoothnath.

5. This could really work – since no Karan and SRK ventures starting with K have failed, give K Jo a small stake in KKR. Of course then they might need a player called Rahul (thanks to lindutt for this ace suggestion), and Rahul Dravid ain’t free. Maybe a Raj could work in a pinch? Any players come to mind?

6. Finally we need to simply have the carrot and stick formula – always works. Set a sliding scale of bonuses for performance for both batters and fielders/bowlers. AND tell them it is going to come out of the non-playing staff’s salary! WoooHooo, watch the wins piling up! Might also eliminate some deadwood in the non-playing staff that way. The better the performance the more people eliminated by pay cuts!

Am I missing something?

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8 Responses

  1. […] Lighten up guys, this is just a lighthearted attempt to dispel the gloom and doom relating to KKR. The team is so close yet so far – they lost two matches in the last over (literally the last ball) and one in the power over. How much more unlucky can a team get? So I came up with a few solutions: 1. Seek immediate numerology help from Bejan Daruwala. Read more here: PakhiPakhi […]

  2. hello pakhi , very good write up .
    my name is ali and i’m one of the hardcore fan of the SUPERSTAR AND REAL KING OF BOLLYWOOD ” SHAH RUKH KHAN ” XXXXXXX . I also want to join naachgaana.com and for this i fill the form in the link (join naachgaana.com) , but still i haven’t recieved any response so can you plz help me to join XXXXX NG . i am an electrical engineer in u.p power corporation limited , posted in lucknow .
    plz help me .
    thanks .

    • I edited part of your comments. You can try to e-mail “rks” . He is very helpful and will forward your request to join on to Rohit Karn Batra the NG owner.

  3. thanks pakhi ,
    i’ve got mail from rkb regarding payment and joining NG . Hopefully soon i can join the company of likeminded people.
    thanks again . ali .

  4. “Hopefully soon i can join the company of like minded people.”

    Hahahaha

  5. 😀 Such like minded company indeed! A happy family…..

  6. Hum Saath Saath Hai

    sigh

  7. MR. SRK,
    IF YOU U WANT TO WIN IPL2, SO GIVE THE CAPTAIN-SHIP TO DADA.
    BECAUSE HE HAS THAT EBILITY.

    FROM YOUR WORST FAN,
    SHIBA

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