Reading the news of Aamir signing on to do Dhoom 3, and also that Katrina would be in the film led to a flashback to my attempt to see Dhoom2!
I watched this one in installments. The first 15 minutes go by –
1. Thief defies laws of Physics and para drops right onto a moving train, landing with his feet firmly planted
2. The queen coincidentally has a long face and beaked nose just like the thief – what was he, her long lost son or something?
3. The queen has guards that fire bullets made of India rubber, unable to penetrate a surfboard – the thief can deflect them one after the other using said surfboard.
4. One qualification to be the queen’s security guard is inability to shoot straight – said guards cannot shoot at a man who is hooked up to the train and being pulled behind it on a surf board.
5. The thief has a supernatural surfboard that can cross over train tracks and go from side to side. Wait – maybe it can deflects bullets too?
6. The thief then surfboards away among sand dunes – is the surfboard motorized? we are now 5 – 6 minutes into the film…
7. cut to a hot number with lots of hip grinding dance moves, muscled thief and scantily clad babes and all…
8. cut to a boat onto which a motorcycle lands and stops just like that. Sat up and took notice of some Uday Chopra dialogs
9. Two bad guys have guns drawn on him and they wait, and they wait, and they wait
10. A jet ski comes out from UNDER water, flies sky high and lands on the boat and stops just like that. ACP Jai rides it with his hair unruffled
11. Is the boat an aircraft carrier?
12. People stand around and shoot at each other, now no one even makes a pretense of ducking.
13. Amidst all the shooting and standing around the phone rings and some Bangla conversation starts.
This queen – he/she was the ugliest royal I have ever seen (and you know that feat is actually pretty hard to accomplish) – but then of course in Dhoom 3 Mr. A will turn out to be her illegitimate son and so they had to resemble each other! I watch a bit more to catch the most beautiful woman but no appearance yet.. In the meantime
14. Uday and Abhishek are having inane conversation while still shooting at the bad guys. I think this is supposed to be humorous
15. Abhishek is doing his best to imitate an inanimate object that can talk
16. Bipasha is hot and walks with that exaggerated hip sway like a model for Old Navy clothes
17. Bipasha says they know nothing about Mr. A, while random maps and faces keep flashing on the screen – whose faces are these?
18. Abhishek now shows that he is an intelligent inanimate object.. he has cracked the code, by God!
19. If the thief was called Mr. Z the next heist would have been in Sudan
20. Mr. A masquerades as a statue and runs the Mars Rover over the floor to a diamond he wishes to steal. The rover appears to be smarter than any human being in the movie
21. It can not only steal the diamond just like that but can create an illusion that the diamond is still there.. I knew that alien technology existed in Roswell.
22. Then suddenly the statue is an old man – I loved to watch the Transformers and maybe Mr. Gadhvi did too!
23. The old man drops into the sewer after melting the cover with acid in his shoes.
24. The young Mr. A explodes out of the sewer with his clothes changed. All of Mumbai must flush their toilets simultaneously and Mr. A did his homework
25. The chase is on – Abhishek is suddenly on a chopper and shooting at Mr. A from the air
26. Mr. A ducks each and every shot – now we know why the police in India are incompetent. No one taught them how to accurately shoot a gun
27. Mr. A jumps on and off various vehicles using some device on his hands containing LEDs and magnets. Roswell all over again
28. Mr. A roller blades on a narrow, I mean really narrow, railing and escapes.
29. There is still no sign of the most beautiful woman and I have to turn the show off in frustration.
Try number 3 –
30. The most beautiful woman comes on and speaks in valley girl speak the entire time I can bear to see this movie.
31. She also addresses herself in the third person, uses “like” in EVERY sentence, ends it with “funny guyyy”.
I bravely soldier on…
A word about the Music and the acting: To match ‘My name is Ali’ we have ‘Crazy Kiya Re’, ‘Yeh love to Hai fire..’ with a lot of what sounds like doom doom! Hritik has no credible story line or plot to match his acting which mostly consists of looking cool in scant shirts. Aish is so annoying I cannot believe it, every sentence is like inane enough to drive one insane. Abhishek is virtually inanimate. Bipasha is hot but what is she doing in the film? Uday as the buffoon may be the only saving grace of this film. If you can bear to part with your brain for three hours, check it in at the popcorn place, and go in to see this film. If you were recently hit on the head then you might not need this. Enjoy!